My Brief Stint with Insanity

MAY 22

I thought I should write about my brief but treacherous encounter with insanity. Yeah sure a doctor would probably say I was claustrophobic, but personally I just felt like I was going crazy. Anyways, enjoy…

As I sat on the plane in the middle seat of the 74^th row of the AirBus380 on flight EK582, it suddenly seemed that my seat was shrinking by the second. Now I’m not sure about the definition of insanity or if it still counts if you realize that your losing your mind, but all of the sudden I became very aware of the fact that I was suffering from claustrophobia. The uncomfortable-ness of my situation was heightened by an awareness of my vulnerable position stranded over the middle of the Atlantic Ocean with no escape from the steel trap in which I would certainly go crazy.

Of course it was nighttime, so no one was awake and able to share in my plight. Furthermore, the soundly sleeping middle-aged man to my right was barring any possible flight to the aisle that could have alleviated my mental state. With the confines of my leather entrapment still tightening and squeezing my innards, I suddenly became conscious of how uncomfortable my left arm was. It seemed that the armrest had been built slightly too low, and if it simply had been designed a foot higher all of my troubles would be alleviated. I contortioned my body into some twenty different positions attempting to find one which could rid my arm of its uncomfortable state of being. At this point my arm had ceased to feel like a normal functioning human appendage and instead existed as a separate entity which was plaguing my body with insurmountable anguish. As my mind searched for any possible solution to my problem, it became perfectly clear that the only answer was to amputate my entire left arm. Completely aware of my insanity but unable to control it I searched for a tool to perform the impending operation. Fortunately for me and for my left arm, all sharp objects had been removed from the crazy person seat of row 74 of the AirBus380 on flight EK582. Distraught and defeated I feel into a deep slumber and did not awake again until morning to the sound of the flight attendant cart rolling by.

As the sun beamed through the small airplane window and breakfast was pushed into my lap, I could only laugh as I held up the shiny silver butter knife from the tray in front of me.